Letter to Aindri on her 9th birthday

 My dearest jhia,

Today you turn 9!

The lovely thing about your birthday which is still going strong is your enthusiasm for it! You start pretty early in the year and it reaches the pinnacle as the year ends. I hope you continue having this excitement into your grown up years too!

For your 8^th birthday, we returned to normalcy, the normalcy of hosting friends at home. We did debate about hosting it outside somewhere but in the end we thought we can do it at our home. ‘Nani’ was there during your birthday. We had the regular set of friends and a couple of new ones who joined. You wore a blue-white dress, with a crown (rolls eyes). Your mother baked for you a beautiful cake which had one of your Barbie dolls fixed inside it (Barbie thusu cake as we called it).

For most part of the first half of the year, you were very happy with Nani being around; and as a massive change in the usual practice you started sleeping in the other room. The frequency increased gradually but in the end you liked it with Mummy Papa in ‘sundar bedroom’.

A Bangalore visit happened in late January to drop nani-ma there. We took our new car out to the beach a lot and to Mangalore more than we usually did. The Chinese restaurants (Hao Ming) became a favorite for few occasions and later so did the Rajasthani restaurant. My birthday and Mummy’s birthday arrived and we started going to Kyoto restaurant, which was a new addition to our eating places in 2023.

In mid-February we went for a very short stay to Uva meridian and the water park experience there was immensely fun! After our return from there, Budha Aja, Papa’s last surviving grandparent and one who have had a great influence on my life passed on. I went to Talcher later for the rituals. You would remember Budha Aja decently well. He loved you a lot and always said that this one is going to be a very “strong” lady. His excitement on your birth knew no bounds for his eldest grandson’s daughter is a big deal you see. We used to see him always whenever we went to Odisha so you will surely remember, or at least I hope so, few of those encounters.

Utsav happened next; you now know pretty well how it goes for me. Both Mummy and you cooperate a lot in the days leading to Utsav enabling me to work for it. You have started mimicking the phone calls, the regular people I talk to, the organizational quirks I have. Utsav 2023 was really smooth and the quality of events were top notch.

We went to Bangalore again in April. We met Tingiya that time briefly. After we were back you attended perhaps your first ever concert of a major popular singer – Shaan. It was held in KMC Greens and was a very enjoyable show. Your love for singing continued and your self-learning also continued over the year. Towards the later part of the year the use of Alexa, added a new dimension to this because now there was someone who attended the commands of playing songs.

We hosted Utsav gang people at home and were surprise visited by Suraj & Vandana, your reaction being noteworthy; you were howling on the floor at the surprise. In the month of May we went to Odisha, via Hyderabad. We went to the new home of Jepa & Jema at Vipul gardens in Bhubaneswar this time and it was lovely. It was the peak of summers and AC in all rooms were a constant feature. At this rate of global warming things are going to be very difficult. There is only one planet and I hope my generation does not spoil it beyond repair for yours.

Since it was summers there were the summer fruits and you enjoyed the mangoes and litchi a lot. Som bhaina’s thread ceremony was the major event that we had to attend and it was a first of its kind for you. You met a host of people on my side of the family. We also went to Talcher for a day in between. Cousins, food, short trips later we were back via Bangalore, getting nani-ma with us to Manipal. We came by train and you loved the experience as usual. Your detest for flights because of the smell and motion sickness continued this year too.

I had fewer trips to Bangalore last year which was greatly liked by you. Papa & Mummy got busy with their conference organization after that. It was Extended reality in healthcare and you came over and saw a bit of the virtual reality and mixed reality stuff that was around. You also liked the basic VR device last year Mummy gifted you for your birthday which requires the phone to go inside it. Well, digital natives, you all.

On Independence Day we took a road trip to Bekal Fort in Kerala. A few days later I had to go to Goa for work. Vivek uncle visited from Singapore and you were very happy to meet him. We went to Shobha aunty’s house for Ganesh Puja, a yearly ritual now.

Another first happened last year – watching circus. Rambo circus had set shop in Mangalore and we decided to go there, which was after you asked for it quite a few times. Parents, you see. Circus days I believed had long gone but the Rambo circus was a pleasant surprise which we all enjoyed.

In October, we planned a Kerala trip. After seeing off nani who headed to Kolkata, we went for a 7 day trip to Munnar, Thekkady, Aleppey/Kumarakom & Kochi. It was a good trip. While you disliked the travel through mountainous roads but the nice stay, the food (hogged at the buffets), the swimming pool were all greatly liked by you. From the hill station of Munnar with endless tea plants on hills to the great houseboat (completely for us) experience; the trip was unique.

Jema & Jepa visited shortly after and were there with us during Diwali. They left after a few weeks and we went for a short trip to Pondicherry. I think you liked it, though you surely did not like walking so much at Matri Mandir. You had pasta, and there was the amazing pink pasta at Café Coromandel, all the three nights we were at Pondy. Jema & jepa came back in the last week of December. We went out for lunch on New year’s eve and the new year day started in a not so nice way for you, with you falling off the bed and hurting your head. But you surprisingly braved it well.

The world in 2023 had its ups and downs as is the case with everything. India became the most populous country in the world. The popular narrative that it is a bad thing is not entirely correct. However we need more jobs and opportunities for the young. I hope things look up in another decade. The year was marked by great advancements in Artificial Intelligence. AI, or generative AI, is breaking barriers at a fast pace. Getting things written, getting images made, creating videos, health, entertainment, everything is seeing AI applications. By the time you are more grown up, this will become a default in many ways. It is important to understand it better and use it and use for the better.

The Israel-Palestine conflict took a very serious turn and lots of lives are still getting lost in it. If you take an interest in understanding it later in life, always remember to start from the basics, from credible books & resources and not off what just appears on the internet. In India Manipur continued to burn for large part of the year.

The world is becoming narrower in many aspects sadly. Narrower in thoughts and action. Bigotry, majoritarianism, protectionism, shutting doors, lay-offs are on the rise. One can only hope that things get better for the younger generations. This hope is also ‘from’ the younger generations who need to shed the narrowness. A short life that we all have is not worth the pettiness, the conflicts, even though they may look lucrative on the exterior. I hope you will understand this when you are older. It is dichotomous for on one had we are closer to space travel, closer to solutions to a lot of diseases yet on the other hand are held back by conflicts, of mind and on ground.

Anyway, you still continued not liking to go to school, but it got better than earlier. You are doing well academically, thanks to Mummy who is in charge for it majorly. You continued reading books though you still want me or Mummy to read them to you. I guess you are just pushing your luck. You have of late started pushing your luck about wearing shoes with higher heels. Not happening. You are growing tall. Your love for potato chips is unending.

You still have the carefree childhood in you; which sadly does not remain after a certain time (for most of us). I seriously hope you continue having a major strain of that. It is important.

I love you the most, and will always do so.

Papa.

Aja - an institution passes away.

“Once upon a time there was a king named Dasrath… King Dasrath had…”, the earliest memories of Aja is of his booming voice telling me this story on several sultry summer afternoons, lying on the thin mattress laid on the ground in his room. Living very close to Ajaghara, which contrary to the feeling it invokes, was a “quarter” of the coalfields, made for an interesting and very involved childhood. Having lost Aai 25 years back, Aja was always the grandparent whom I was close to. As I write a memoir, and I choose not to call it an obituary, I have beside me a diary he gave me about four years back and from which I try to glimpse into his life.

The intitial memories of Aja draws a picture of a man who was devoted to his routine. He would cycle back from work in the afternoon, change, sit on his broad pidha for lunch (during which I would compare what he got to eat and what I did earlier), and take a short nap. He would wake up after an hour and cycle back to office. The timing, the ritual, the routine was fixed. The shirt and pant, and there were just a few of them, neatly ironed; the hair, impeccably brushed; the big cycle, never dirty. Sometimes, the image of the shelf (built in the wall) of his room flashes in my mind. Each item, a radio, Kayam Churn, the torch, everything was placed exactly where they were supposed to be. Aja loved discipline.

As Aja has written in his own words, his forefathers came from Kannauj in Rajasthan and were Kanyakubja Brahmins. They came to Odisha and settled in Puri. On invitation of Raja of Talcher Gadjat they moved to Talcher and settled in the village Ramachandrapur (now known as Kandhal). Aja’s paternal great grandfather Gobinda Praharaj was gifted rent free land in the said village for their sustenance by Maharaj Ramachandra Dev of Talcher. Gobinda Praharaj’s son, Trilochan Mishra was a sankskrit scholar and royal ambassador of Talcher. As an ambassador he visited Bamra state and was conferred the title of “Dakhinabarta” for his eloquence in Sanskrit by Raja Sri Basudev Sudhal Dev, KCIE. Aja’s maternal grandfather Balakrushna Mishra was a Minister of Estate at Pallahara. Aja was the 4th child of Rudra Mohan Mishra and Krushna Priya Mishra. 

As a child I always saw that at Ajaghara there were always a lot of people. In fact the front tin shed room, where cycles and chappals, and sports equipment in a corner, and an almirah with books, later scooter rested at night was a meeting room of sorts. Every evening when I used to land at Ajaghara, there would be people huddled there. People who were largely labourers in coal mines. In mines that was underground, where pay was precariously low and threat to life astronomical; where mercy of the officer was an extension of the British Raj and where very few people would listen and help. And there was Aja, who would often be heard talking in the loudest voice, reprimanding, arguing; all of it to help those labourers fight for justice.

Constitutional law, industrial law, Mines Act were his interest areas. Since childhood I have seen these thick books in the cupboard, and Aja would read them, mark them with red, blue, purple, place bookmarks and make notes. Was he a lawyer? No. He was just interested and invested in them. So much so that the self-taught man went to courts and tribunals to fight for and gave relief to coal mine labourers. It is evident from his writing that he was very proud to head the team of trade unions that fought the pension case of workers under “National Coal development Corporation Rule” and won it in favor of the employees. Thousands of workers were benefited by the ruling who were granted pension under Coal Mines Provident Fund Act & Rules. Aja writes that he was inspired by famous trade union leader Dhuliswar Bastia of Rourkela, who established the Rourkela Mazdoor Sabha. 

If something was integral to Aja, it was his love for reading. Newspapers would fall short for him. Since resources were limited, there used to be subscription of one Odia newspaper. He would then ask us to get the English newspaper from our house, another Odia newspaper from the neighbor, someone would bring another and Aja would read all of them. Regularly, each day, without fail. He rarely read fiction. Non-fiction was his genre. He did not pursue higher studies, for situation at home never permitted so, but the erudition he achieved merely be reading, and reading rich text, be it good quality editorials, legalese in thick labour law books or anything that came his way, was exemplary. Very few well-read people of his generation and of that place would be able to write sentences that were coherent and impeccable. And that reading was a habit he carried on much late into his life. Perhaps the loneliness, of not having Aai by his side, triggered him to read more. How ingrained this habit of reading was in him is reflected in the fact that much later when he made less sense of what he was reading, he would still read the newspaper and underline (which he had a habit of), but this time the whole of the page.

If he read so much, he also wrote. He wrote poems, of a very high caliber. He wrote opinion pieces. More than a hundred for the newspaper “Khabara”, which incidentally was started by his father-in-law, Sambadika Gourab Dibakar Mishra and was revived after decades of going out of print. His poems have been translated and published. He has recited his poems in a few Kabi Sammilanis. All of these make more eminent sense when seen with the backdrop of the fact that there never has been a rich intellectual environment at Talcher. Aja never had that network that would prop him up to a bigger scene. And yet he kept up this habit of writing until he lost interest in any of it, in all of it.

If he read and wrote so much, his commitment and belief in bettering the education environment of Talcher was rock solid. As office-bearer of “Odisha Coal Mines Labour Federation (Hind Mazdoor Sabha)” he contributed his might in establishing the engineering college at Sarang where 60% reservation for coalmine employees was fixed back then. Aja was active in establishing of Nehru Shatabdi Central Hospital and was an Executive Member of “Central Hospital Advisory Committee”. But clearly his indelible mark is in establishing the “Deulbera Colliery Model High School” (now a nodal high school) in 1962, a school that served as an oasis of education. Aja was, for a long time, Secretary of Deulbera Colliery M E School (Middle English if you are wondering) and was instrumental in getting it into government fold. Another school which we was involved in establishing was Saraswati Sishu Mandir in 1993.

Aja loved being a public persona. The fearlessness he carried, the adherence to truth, the socialism in belief, all of it brought him to organize and be part of important movements. As Aja writes his most memorable moment was organizing a meeting of the great Jayprakash Narayan and associating himself with Acharya Binoba Bhave who came to Talcher during the Bhoodan movement. The list of leaders whom he hosted, associated and worked with is a long one. Dr Harekrushna Mahtab, Biju Patnaik, Madhu Dandavate, Pramila Dandavate, Samarendra Kundu, Bhagabata Behera (who was instrumental in arranging George Fernandes escape on the eve of Emergency; and there is a Talcher link there), Kamala Sinha, Nandini Satpathy, Devendra Satpathy, Surendranath Dwivedy, the list is long. I think Aja would have loved to be in active politics, but again, he was too upright, too truthful, too outspoken and too honest for the role. 

One can’t help but think that Aja deserved much more in life. For the passions he had, for the knowledge he possessed, for the acumen he showed, for the capabilities he displayed, in a fair world, Aja would have gone on to become a great lawyer specializing in constitutional law, or a political strategist advising the who’s who of Indian politics, or a writer of many anthologies of poems, or an op-ed writer sharing his views on television. Aja had a huge share of upheavals in his personal life. The struggle was a constant. That is a regret that would stay. But he perhaps believed in reincarnation, or so I hope for I have never found him to be deeply religious, and in that case, all the above would materialize in another life I hope.

There is a lot to learn from the life Aja led. For a self-made man, to provide for a big family of seven children and numerous relatives, to help the most downtrodden and faceless in the society, to associate actively with socialist movements, to keep the fire of reading and learning burning forever, to help build few major educational institutions in Talcher, to organize rallies and sports competitions and events, and all these at the face of grave challenges at home, with limited resources at disposal, without a conducive environment makes Aja’s resilience stand out. His accomplishments have been exemplary and grit enormous.

My Aja, Brahma Shankar Mishra was an institution. And he will be missed.

Letter to Aindri on her 8th birthday

 My darling jhia,

Today you turn 8 years old.

Your excitement for your birthday continues unabated and it is a lovely thing to have. I hope for you to continue having this excitement all your life long.

For your 7th birthday, since the COVID-19 pandemic was not well in control, we decided to do an outdoor birthday again. Remember, the 6h one was at the beach! We zeroed in on Tree Park, the one right beside TAPMI. The usual suspects were invited, your dear friend Tingia turned up from Bangalore, food was ordered to be delivered right at the park, and the theme of the birthday was the one thing you were obsessed with at that time - Elsa (of the Frozen fame). You had an Elsa dress to wear (with a cape and all), the decoration stuff were of that theme, and yes, your mother, continuing the tradition of baking your birthday cakes herself, made one with the Elsa theme. It was a good outing. You kids played a little bit post the celebration.

The year saw you going to school regularly as the shadow of Covid slowly dissipated. While academically you have been doing very good, a matter of deep concern was about your lunch. The slightly picky eater that you are (and I plead guilty on that count), your mother took on this task of catering to your demands and preparing wide variety of snacks and lunch. By the end of the year you started adapting to 'hot lunch' at school. Time shall tell how long that trend will continue.

We went to Odisha in April, braving the summer in Talcher. You fell ill with viral enteritis and it was a tough time. Later we watched a play (your first in fact), Ahe Nila Shaila in Bhubaneswar and you enjoyed the experience. We again went to Odisha in July, though just for three days, because your friend Tingia was getting married and no way we could miss it. Some relations, that we build ourselves, must be valued; and relationships take work to be maintained.

There was a lot of uncertainty going on about the fate of MMMC, where we work, and that occupied our thoughts for a large part of the year. But amidst all that we embarked on what would turn out as the highlight of 2022 - the Europe trip. We were very unsure, how it would go with you, for we had never travelled that long and that far earlier. The planning and preparation, which you witnessed closely, went on for months. We did it all by ourselves and with all the aspirations and aspersions undertook the journey on August 28.

We visited Stockholm where our family members live and had a great time there. We went to the gorgeous Amsterdam, to the beautiful Ghent & Bruges, then the tourist haven of Paris. You were super cooperative and walked on and on while we enjoyed these lovely European cities. You must be commended for that for in a day we used to hit more than 15k steps. You adjusted to the food too. It was a unique experience and to cherish it we have made an album of the photos and memorabilia collected. I hope you will remember the Louvre (which was a dream for me when I read the book by Dan Brown) and the Mona Lisa in it. I hope you will remember the thousands of cyclists and the beautiful canals in Amsterdam. I hope you will remember the city tour and metros of Stockholm and above all the good time spent with family. 

Your 'nani' came back from Stockholm with us and you have enjoyed the pampering of a grandparent of late. I can see that it has instilled in you the art of being demanding, but it is all fun. You started learning Karate this year and after a few sessions grew bored with it. You have started going to music classes recently. You want to join dance classes too. It is all good to try new things. Some things will stick others won't, but remember nothing will come easy. Play also needs a dedication like work for it to transform into a habit.

A lot happened in the world. Russia and Ukraine went into war and which disrupted many things. Lives were lost, economic downturn came about, geopolitical crisis continues as I write this. Wars are never good you see. Queen Elizabeth died, when we were in Stockholm. Football World Cup was won by Argentina and the g.o.a.t (not the animal) Messi got his due (though we didn't watch the WC). Countries like Iran saw women asking for their rights, and the protests continued for months. China saw protests as well and by the end of the year the Covid situation there worsened. The World started plating Wordle. Artificial Intelligence took an interesting turn with ChatGPT (I wonder how you kids will write assignments 8-10 years from now). The James Webb Space Telescope sent pictures back and we learnt so much about space and stars and galaxies.

After a break of two years, the last time when you danced to "Bhumro bhumro" and was also am emcee for the program, your school had the Annual Day in November. Endless practice (rolls eyes) for the dance-drama 'Punyakoti' ensued and you were pretty excited to be a cow. You were equally disappointed when you were replaced as an emcee this time. Showed how much you cared for it. Good thing. Perhaps will motivate you to try harder for things that matter to you.

The end of the year also brought an end to the long run we have had with the car! The car that was of your 'Nanu' and got passed on to your Ma. The car in which you came home from hospital after your month-and-a-half stint in NICU. The car in which we went to places we could - those tens of visits to beaches, restaurants, school-of-course. Material things do become a part of our life for they are associated with the memories we make. But material things are material things at the end of the day. We finally, and on the new year day, brought home a new car. I hope we get to create memories and much better ones in this one too.

As I write this letter, this year we are planning to have your birthday at home this time. The usual suspects have been invited. You have become tad bit greedy with wanting large number of gifts.

You are growing fast and growing tall! You are exhibiting a sense of humor which is a nice thing (I am bad at that anyway). Some teenagy behavior is also being observed which is, at least not yet, giving us sleepless nights. Your compassion and understanding of things continues to surprise us sometimes. Hope you keep that up. It is essential to be a good person, everything else comes next or rather follows.

Always remember, we love you the most.

Papa

Why media should not be allowed into schools

Creator: razihusin | Credit: Getty Images/iStockphot0

Following the airing of a new clip showing the inability of children of a government school in Dhenkanal district in answering few fundamental questions, education officers have directed school principals to not allow media personnel into school premises and even file police complaints if required to prevent entry without permission. While the issue of poor learning outcomes is a serious one and the government must be asked questions about the same, media personnel barging into schools and thrusting a mic on an unassuming child is surely not the way to go about it.

Highlighting the concern

That school education is an important pillar of any society is well known. Equally well known is the fact that school education in most parts of India is poor in quality as well as quantity. Despite the best of intentions, inadequate number of teachers, ill-trained teachers, curricular lacunae, pathetic infrastructure, etc, has marred school education, including that in Odisha. The responsibility of the fourth estate of the democracy lies in constantly questioning the government of the day about measures that are being taken to fill such gaps. Such reportage, highlighting the concerns have made people and powers that be sit up and take notice.

That said, the education quality, the achieving of learning outcomes cannot be tested by reporters and journalists by asking a random few questions to any school kid. There are several good reasons for it, the first being that there is a due statistical process to evaluate these outcomes and sampling by picking any random child won’t provide the true picture. Doing that would border on sensationalism to put it mildly. Secondly, there is the issue of ethics. Does the child, a minor, provide consent to be interviewed and for it to be aired? Would there be an easy way for the video to be taken off the internet if in future the child or her parents would demand so? Would the reporter ask similar question to, say a top bureaucrat’s child? Thirdly, school is meant to be a safe space. It is ideally meant to foster growth in a non-threatening environment. The presence of any third party encroaching that space does not augur well for children at large.

School education in Odisha

The Ministry of Education recently introduced the Performance Grading Index (PGI) for schools in the country which evaluates schools on five parameters – Learning Outcomes & Quality, Access, Infrastructure and Facilities, Equity and Governance Processes. For the year 2019-20, the latest which has been published, Odisha figured in Grade I along with states like West Bengal, Uttar Pradesh, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka. There has been an increase in its grade from 2017-18. No guesses that following the 5T transformation of schools, the improvement has been in the infrastructure and facilities domain.

Odisha scored relatively low in learning outcomes & quality, the domain that deals with standard of students in language and mathematics (the bone of contention in the case) in standard 3, 5 and 8 in government and aided schools. In the PGI, average scores in both language and mathematics declined as the class progressed from 3 to 8.

As per Annual Status of Education Report (ASER) of 2021, student enrolment in Odisha in private schools is increasing; more and more children are taking private tuitions (nearly 15 % jump from 2020), a mere 36% household reported that they received learning material when schools were closed during the pandemic.  Earlier ASER report of 2018 showed that a mere 35% children in Standard III were able to read Standard II level text in government schools while it was 64.5% in private schools. When it comes to arithmetic, 23.8% children in Class V of government schools could do a division meant for Standard II while in private the percentage was 43.2.

Ask questions – the right ones

The issue of not making spectacle of poor learning outcomes applies to ministers and bureaucrats too. Only a few days ago, the concerned minister during a school visit directed deducting salary of a headmistress due to poor response by a student. The whole 'catching by surprise' plank does not augur well with children in a school. The disallowing media person into schools is also seen in Odisha in conjunction of them being kept out of the secretariat, SCB medical college, etc, the latter being highly condemnable; yet which cannot be conflated with the issue of minor school children.

Not allowing media personnel to enter schools should not deter them from raising issues about school education. There are several studies starting from ASER to NITI Aayog to Ministry of Education which regularly survey schools which provide information about state of affairs. Teacher shortage is a massive concern and media should highlight that. RTI tools should be employed to learn more about quality of teachers, appointments, irregularities, etc. Nothing stops media houses, number of which are mushrooming each day, from investigating multitude of issues that plague school education. That said, these are more effortful processes as compared to asking few questions of mathematics to the unassuming school children.

Mummy & School

Ever since we (speaking on behalf of my sister too) have gained sense of the world, Mummy and school has been conjoint words for us. My mother is a school teacher who retires today. After working for 39 years and 9 months. Retiring as Headmistress of a school where you started working would be special; and Mummy has had a unique stint. Joining as a teacher in a school which was established in 1977, and well before she was married, Deulbera Colliery Model Nodal High School (current name; else for us it has always been Model High School) has been an integral part of her life.

We stayed close to the school. In a Miners Quarter (MQ in short) allotted to teachers. We could hear the school bell ring (the piece of railway track iron with a hole made in it) at 10 in the morning, then the recess and so on. School, though we didn't study there, has been an integral part of our lives as well. 

My earliest memories involve being pampered by Mummy's colleagues, going on school trips, being around in umpteen number of school functions which would involve song preparation (In the karaoke days, those sessions don't happen, so iykyk), Ganesh puja & Saraswati puja at school, the sports days, etc. In summers there would be "bundles" of answer papers at home which Mummy would correct and sometimes I got to add the marks of. There would be morning school on Saturdays and in later years in scorching summers of Odisha.

39 years and 9 months is a long time. Mummy has seen up close the school transform from being a colliery school (Talcher is India's top coal producing city), to semi-govt status, to being accorded high school status and finally at the end of her career being "transformed" (infrastructure upgradation) as per an endeavour of the Odisha government.

Back in the day whenever Mummy's student would cross path on the road on a bicycle, whatever the speed, they would get down, to pay their respect. I found it very amusing and quite irksome. I hope they don't do it these days. From what I have learnt, Mummy has been quite a disciplinarian, something that she perhaps have taken from my grandfather and the early headmaster's she has worked under. Never one to physically punish students (something that was common many years back; remember 39 years), her no-nonsense attitude perhaps set the rules.

Through the years Mummy taught various subjects, originally from Sahitya (literature) to history, to Odia and more. The workload at school had only increased over the years and the last stretch of being Headmistress has been stressful for her. But she enjoyed her work. To get things at home done, get ready, wear that saree (earlier there was no uniform for teachers), grab the bag and walk to school (take the auto, later when we shifted house) has been a routine we have witnessed growing up.

Mummy not merely did her job, but her commitment to the school, the burning many midnight lamps (sometimes literally because we had a lot of power cuts) to prepare some or the other document (Hand written. People with good handwriting like her often get more work), to focus on moral values of students, to support (train actually) co-curricular activities of students, bring innovative ideas has contributed in making Model High School stand out among other schools. 

To not do that from tomorrow onwards will be surely different. A 39 years 9 month long routine builds a muscle memory of different kind. The psyche is attuned to that. Couple of generation of men and women have been her students now. Leaving all that, shifting to a new city later, will be challenging and will truly herald a second innings (however cliche the expression sounds). 

An almost four-decade long career, which she herself wonders how she pulled through, has come to a close today. It is time to reminiscence the days gone by, the fond associations, the moments of glory, the richness of service provided, the immense learning that has occurred, the innumerable lives touched. And through those thoughts look forward to better things.

For Model High School, Subhasree Mishra will be an integral part of its existence and growth. For hundreds of students, Mishra didi will have played some role in their lives. For us, Mummy and school will always be conjoint words.

Letter to Aindri on her 7th birthday

Dearest jhia,

You are 7 today. 

From where we started and with what, 7 seems surreal.. You are a tall girl. And you have now not seen the face of the school for 2 years! It will be something to remember. Back to the 6th birthday. The COVID-19 pandemic was on; even though there was a little reduction in the number of cases, we, your parents, being the extra cautious ones that we are (it is up for judgement whether that is a bad thing or good), decided that we should not have any celebration in a closed space and thus opted to do it -- at the beach. So, we packed food, cake, banners, balloons and headed to the beach. We invited just a few people, your friend Tingia made a surprise visit the previous day from Jaipur, and it ended up being a nice celebration at picturesque location. 

Your Mummy then went to Bangalore in February for the annual ritual for nanu; and you stayed back with me. Needless to mention, we lived on pizza and burgers for those two days. In March, after having been at home for one full year, we thought we should take you out and we went to Anejhari, the butterfly camp, which was a good 1-day break. The first quarter of the year passed like that and then the Delta wave (you might learn about that later) gripped India. One of the most devastating scenarios unfolded mid-year, where thousands of people died, hospital beds weren't enough, oxygen wasn't enough in hospitals. There was chaos. It was not a good place to be in; we were scared and for our families staying far away. We tried to help few people as much as possible by either donating some money or calling up people for hospital beds. 

All very small effort, but remember, in such times, even a little counts. A little can make a big difference in someone's life. Often we brush away things thinking it's insignificant, miniscule, unimportant, unworthy but you never know which of it would mean something else for a person. Therefore, help, whenever you can, in whichever way you can, in any measure that you can. 

A few people we know passed away in that brutal wave. We were largely safe, but then in May (19th to be precise), I was diagnosed positive for Covid-19. Though I had a very very mild disease, the scare, especially in the first two-three days was immense. I was at home in the 'sundar' bedroom for 14 long days and it is truly commendable of your mother and you to manage everything at home, with help from no one else. You were scared, but you held up really well. Am very proud of you.

Lockdowns were upon us and we were at home for weeks. When it got relaxed, we hit the beach once in a while. It rained a lot this year, just a lot. And it rained almost until end of November. In November your aunt had to be taken to Delhi for her visa work and we had to thus make a trip to Bangalore. Which we did, and by road (reason: already covered in the beginning; playing it safe, as air travel has more risk of getting infected). And we did that again, in December, when Nanima and Niti left for Sweden. So, in the first trip we discovered that you have motion sickness, you vomited all over me while we were getting back. But you did really well for a 6 year old to make those long trips. In the second iteration, we stayed for longer at Bangalore, helping in packing, etc. 

One of the most remarkable events of the year was your aunt leaving for Sweden to pursue her masters degree. No amount of words can describe her grit. For a quadriplegic, holed up in one room for nearly 10 years, to make a long journey to Sweden, to an ice cold climate, to pursue higher education after such a long gap; and all of it while being limited by the ability to do so many things, is what inspirational books are made of. I am sure you are quietly imbibing many things and we can see that your perspectives of ability/disability are so different and unique. Let no one in future tell you that these are 'woke' things. Those who say such are narrow minded people who have failed to evolve. Basic human decency, the ability to grow and change ones thinking, to be compassionate and to accept diversity are minimum things that we can and should do as a human being. 

This year, when the Covid cases were at the minimum we were also visited by Jema, Jepa, Trisha nani and Hitesh Fufa and it was a good family get-together at Manipal, albeit for just 2 days. It was certainly nice to see everyone. Since Jema is the principal of her school and a massive renovation work of the school is taking place, she could not afford more holidays. Trisha nani kept sending you gifts, and your obsession with 'long dress' doesn't seem to abate. And just prior to that Z uncle and R aunty had come over from Jodhpur and all of us went to Moodbidri for a couple of days; which you kids, Yash and you enjoyed immensely.

In 2021, you took to watching Paw Patrol a lot, Ninja Hattori again towards end of the year, sprinkled with Masha & the Bear, etc. You also took to watching stuff on OTT like Prime - Kalari kids, little bit of Malgudi days, etc. We watch the dance and music show on weekends and interestingly you impeccably remember the names of the participants. You took an online class for chess which you did learn a little. We have been having a lot of 'soup' dinners this year, without relenting on Mummy made delicacies which continues unabated. Few of the Saturdays you went to your best friends house, and then you had to skip your ritual afternoon nap. I would have liked you to make more friends, but that was not to be; I would have liked you to play more sports, but that was not to be; I would have liked you to travel to more places, at least Odisha, but that was not to be. But we have to do with what's dished out under trying circumstances.

Your school has been in an online mode this year largely. When it reopened in November, we decided not to send you; for multiple reasons' one that course was near complete, two that you are doing well academically, three that we are not sure. Frankly, it is important to go to school, not only for the learning part (luckily, we can take care of that at home too; not all can, and thus it is important to go to school. Huge number of kids have suffered learning in the pandemic) but for the socializing part. 

As I write this letter to you, a new variant of coronavirus, called Omicron, is set to spread in India. The cases are rising after a long lull. Things might get little bad in the next two months and this might make you stay more at home and postpone going to school. It is a difficult time to be a kid. I don't know how all of it is going to affect one later. It is challenging as a parent too to walk that line between allowing a free-range childhood (guess you never got one in ours, though for genuine reasons) and being careful.

The world has been chaotic the last year. Science made tremendous progress. Vaccine science, mutli-site drug trials grew manifold in and due to the pandemic. A large telescope James Webb Space Telescope was launched in December which will go very far and tell us so much more about the origins of human life. Edutech grew, albeit not in equitable fashion, exponentially. The US pulled out of Afghanistan creating a huge crisis, the Chinese are sitting on Indian borders, petrol prices hovered above Rs 100 this year, polarization seems to be increasing massively, getting unsafe for women, India included, and it is scary how the public discourse has been. It is worrying to think. Life is weird, it is sometimes the best of times and worst of times to be in.

However, we shall do the best we can. Isn't it? On 31st December, we went to the beach, the lovely one at Kodi, which you love a lot. This is becoming kind of a ritual (your first beach outing was on 31st Dec in 2015). You are super excited, as you rightly should be, for your birthday, which, yet again is going to be 'Elsa' themed. I hope you have a great one.

I love you the most.

Papa

Injured Identities

 

With the flicker of hope finished,

The glimmer of possibility gone,

Scores of us stare into an abyss,

With uncertainty and feeling forlorn.

 

For many years, the home that was,

Torn asunder in a whiff.

Blood, sweat, tears all invested,

Everything stands now at the edge of a cliff.

 

For those who lay the foundation,

Using hands to lay mortar and brick.

An end of a long dream for them,

Even they too couldn’t pull a savior trick.

 

The dream that they nurtured well,

Blazed bright through a new landscape.

Perhaps they never thought it would dim so soon,

From the finality there is now no escape.

 

Those who entered when the portal newly opened,

With dreamy eyes and determination.

They burnt the wick of their prime,

In building a stellar reputation.

 

They took care of the toddler,

Raised it to be successful teenager.

And when the child was separated,

Nothing they could to maintain the merger.

 

The last leg of their marathon,

Now seems like an obscure journey.

The crescendo of their careers,

Now lies uncertain on a gurney.

 

For who joined the song midway,

Rode on the success wave.

Little did they know that it will turn,

A situation so grim and grave.

 

Long years wait ahead of them,

A thousand miles yet to walk.

The uprooting misbalances all the math,

Meaningless appear most routine task.

 

Questions aplenty haunt silently,

With no one to answer the best.

The tables turned for all and how,

People subjected to a very tough test.

 

For some it is about careers,

Loan for some, education for others.

Money for some, for some dignity,

Myriad questions everyday bothers.

 

Where did it all go wrong?

For what fault of ours?

What need does unsettling serve,

The thoughts haunts for hours.

 

All the excellence achieved,

With years of toil.

Did not matter a bit,

When the system came to foil.

 

All the best practices, innovations,

All the records of standing first.

Couldn’t save the situation,

All of it now bites the dust.

 

Uncomfortable silences all around,

Just a façade of laughter.

Plenty everyone wish to share,

But one one’s opening that chapter.

 

What tomorrow beholds is unsure,

Sans an identity, we walk nameless.

Who to turn to or what to,

In the uncertain sea, we sail rudderless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letter to Aindri on her 6th birthday

 My dear Jhia,

2020.

A year in which way too many things happened and at the same time, nothing much happened either.

I have been thinking if it can be called bittersweet. Maybe it can maybe it is more bitter than sweet, but that is a different debate.

We celebrated your 5th birthday in that club house of Orchid Lake View, Bangalore. Your nanu could attend despite his failing health and we had a few people coming over and it turned out to be a good evening. You were ecstatic with the Elsa themed cake and all the balloon decoration. 

I had to again in a few days time go to Bangalore and got nanu admitted to hospital on 22nd January. We all had to go then in the beginning of February. While we adults knew the inevitable was around, everyone at home was worried about you, that how would you take it. I was deeply concerned. 

Your nanu "became a star" on 19th of February and you surprised us all with taking the whole thing so well. You understood everything; you were much more mature for your age and you could process what was happening and what we told you.

We returned to Manipal on 3rd March and in a few days time things would go horribly wrong with the world. The World Health Organization (WHO), on 11th March declared the outbreak of coronavirus pandemic. Such an event hadn't occurred in a 100 years. Soon after the Indian government announced one of the strictest lockdowns starting March 24. There was fear all around, the Covid-19 cases were rising steadily. While children were not getting affected by the virus, there was little known back then and everyone (at least us) was on tenterhooks.

Lockdown was upon us and we were confined to our home. It was nice to be around with you all the time. We tried new dishes at home, gradually we went out for a walk in the evenings, we played at home, learnt new things and yes, we gobbled up books.

Your love for books continued this year. We re-read the whole ACK 3-part Mahabharata; we got new Julia Donaldson books, we graduated to Ruskin Bond, Sudha Murthy, etc. Be it while eating, bedtime, reading stories to you have been one major job that I have been, and when not feeding you (which you refuse to do with rice-dal in afternoons) your mother have been doing. Not happy with books you also have been listening to on-the-spot-made-up stories.

One of the books you got as a gift on your 5th, 100 Rebel Girl Stories, your mother with her innovative skills dressed you up as Cleopatra one time, Ruth Vader Ginsberg another time, and other famous personalities, photographic proof of all of which exists.

While we are lucky to have these comforts, there were millions of underprivileged people who walked thousands of kilometers to their homes after everything shut down due to lockdowns. It was a painful sight. I tried sending money to a few people hoping it would help them. The pandemic has brought India's economy to a very dangerous place. While it will be some time before you understand these, but I for one am concerned about you in 2020, for the promise that India holds for its citizens, for little girls like you wrests in its economic development which because of a poor economic show might get delayed and so will get delayed the opportunities for young children like you. The ugly social divisions that are surfacing are also cause of concern for little ones like you should not grow in such toxic environments. But the hope also wrests with a little more older to you generation, who should take India to a place where there is peace and prosperity.

World over the pandemic wreaked havoc with medical systems in high income, developed countries like the USA, being unable to cope, all of it leading to lot of people dying. By the time I write this letter to you, amazing scientific development has given humankind the vaccine against coronavirus in record time and millions of people have been vaccinated already in Western countries. In a few months time, we too should be getting it. 

Anyway, you got familiar with all these pandemic terms pretty soon. You amazed us with perfecting the hand washing technique and have been doing it diligently after coming back home when we go out. You in fact had a bout of fever mid-year which worried us to no end, but it was fine. 

Your school has been operating on WhatsApp and you did very well at the short speeches, etc, that were assigned to you. So much so that on Water Conservation Day you were requested to give a short speech which you did really well. Your singing sojourn continues, and especially with old Hindi songs. And guess what, you have been making these 'self songs', lyrics of which are pretty situational and apt. This one time, you sang that Kannada song fully, which you had picked up without our knowledge, and it blew our mind.

You took to watching Ninja Hattori in the first half of the year and Paw Patrol, Peppa, Masha in towards the end of the year. There have been some silver lining amidst the grey clouds of 2020, in the form of your Papa acquiring his PhD degree on 23rd November and your mother registering for it three days prior to that date. I don't know if you will ever have the interest to open my thesis book, but know that the acknowledgement section begins with me telling you the lines that Prospero said to his daughter Miranda in Shakespeare's The Tempest.

The lines are: Oh, a cherubim, Thou wast that did preserve me. Thou didst smile.. (Act 1, Scene2)

In this year, largely since we did not go out much; we only went to one or two colleagues house that too in December when cases in Udupi were pretty low, we went quite a few times to the beach, which you enjoy a lot. We haven't been to the mountains with you yet, so as of now you seem to be a beach girl. 

I cannot but feel astonished at your resilience at the face of all that happened in 2020. For a kid of your age it is essential and imperative to go out, to mingle with friends, to socialize at school and none of which happened. But you adjusted well to everything. 

2020 has been a difficult year with a few silver linings. When and if you read this, and with the advantage of hindsight you will realize what a landmark year it was.

I love you the mostest!

Papa

Letter to Aindri on her 5th birthday

Dearest Aindri,

I love you the most.

You are now a 5-year old child. When we began, 5 years seemed such a distant place, but here we are. 5 years ago we were a nervous lot, with apprehensions galore, and now, 5 years later, we are better.

This past year has been marked by quite the regular things I must say. You have been growing taller. You are a 3.1 feet tall girl now. You have been regularly going to school and I am sure enjoying it too. You have made a great friend in Sanvi and the ritual of hugging bye at the end of the school is adorable. In this year you have learnt all the letters, capital and small, numbers till twenty, many new rhymes, songs at school, dance for annual day, etc, etc.

We have continued our reading together habit this year too. Notably, we read the three part 'Mahabharata' of Amar Chitra Katha, which Sudhakar dadu was so kind to give us when we visited him once. So much so that we have now started re-reading book one.

Predictably, you took to watching TV a bit more than previous year and you have shifted from watching Doraemon to Ninja Hatori (ding ding). Your picking old Hindi songs like 'pyaar humen kis mod pe le aya', 'ek chatura naar' has been interesting. Your love for dance continues, with you sitting through our CCC programs, be it Mohiniattam, Bharatnatyam or even the play by Naya theater the other day. Also, definitely not inspired by your mother, you have grown a penchant for getting dolled up in this past year.

The world for a 5 year old is not very wide, but in the wide world we live in, 2019 has been one that of turmoil. The US, the most powerful nation int he world, has a buffoon for a President, called Donald Trump. There is something called Brexit, which is otherwise complex but then will suffice to understand that UK is to discontinue part of being the larger Europe. North Korea continued to play hide-and-seek with nuclear weapons. India elected a BJP government in this year, the policies of which is affecting both Indian economy and social fabric negatively. Yes, the happenings in India concerns me about your future, as it very much did when you were born; especially since the majority of the country does not respect women as it should. But preserve we shall and shine we shall. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Back home, your Nanu had been battling with his cancer and you have become familiar with the terms chemotherapy, bilirubin, etc, which you hear us talking about. Only when you are a certain age, you will realize, there is so much to learn from the way he is battling it out. We could not go out anywhere much this year other than a few trips to Bangalore and one to Odisha. When we went to Odisha we had a fun trip to Puri when so many of our family went in a big bus. You of all things, wore a saree, to Jagannath temple, and had to be lifted for most part of it.

In the past few days your excitement for your birthday had grown to dizzying heights with you having decided quite sometime back that the theme of your birthday would be 'Frozen'. So, some Elsa stuff has been gotten for you. This year we are celebrating your birthday at Bangalore with your maternal side of the family with your aunt having come down from Sweden, and will be inviting few close friends there. You are excited that it will be in club house at Orchid Lake View Apartment. You have become a chatter box, and that has been a source of great joy for all of us.

We don't know what is in store in the year ahead, or philosophically, in the very next moment. I don't know when you would be ready to read these letters, or if I will be able to continue this tradition of writing these letters. Nothing is certain in life and thus we have to live to the fullest in the present. You see, new age liberal parenting, is a tricky thing, and we hope we are managing fine with it. I am liking this letter writing tradition and I hope one day you will get to read these, to understand how you were and to understand what your father is/was.

Happy birthday kichlu michlu.

Love

Papa

Letter to Aindri on her:
1st birthday: https://sambitspeak.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-letter-to-my-daughter.html
2nd birthday: https://sambitspeak.blogspot.com/2017/01/letter-to-aindri-on-her-2nd-birthday.html
3rd birthday: https://sambitspeak.blogspot.com/2018/01/letter-to-aindri-on-her-3rd-birthday.html
4th birthday: https://sambitspeak.blogspot.com/2019/01/letter-to-aindri-on-her-4th-birthday_2.html 

The Neutrality of Balaram

In the great epic The Mahabharata, Balaram, the elder brother of Lord Krishna, plays a curious role. When the two clans, Kauravas and Pandavas prepare to fight the great battle, Krishna joins the Pandavas, but Balaram, to whom both Duryodhan and Arjuna are dear, decides not to join any side. Instead, he goes off to pilgrimage during that period.

Was Balaram right in not choosing one of the sides? What would the course of the war been had he sided with Kauravas or even the Pandavas? The battle of dharma that Mahabharata was, poses various dilemmas, including, the neutrality of Balaram. The similar dilemma extends to everyday life when one has to choose among conflicting narratives.

What does one do when one has to choose? Choose anything.

Every choice we make gets our mind to evaluate pros and cons, ease and difficulty, dharma and adharma, cost and benefit and many such factors. We get conditioned fast and deeply and then these evaluations becomes mundane for things that do not affect us much. It is only when the situation poses a challenge, when the conditioning is at loggerheads with new set of thoughts that conflict arises.

So, does being neutral take away the burden of making a choice? And in doing so, does it absolve oneself of the conflicts?

There are no easy answers to that.

Think about the numerous battles of narratives that are fought, as an extension, in the social media. There is a constant pressure on one to choose, to take a side. Is neutrality an option available though?

Yes, perhaps neutrality is an option available when one is faced with situations where there is a conflict between ideology depicted in a movie, where there is a fight over origin of a food item, about a certain depiction of history, etc.

But there are certain situations where the line gets drawn.

When it comes to neutrality, parts of Nobel laureate Elie Weisel's famous acceptance speech is often quoted. And in those beautiful lines are defined those situations where neutrality ceases to become an option. (many people I know, know nothing about Holocaust. If you, the reader is one of them, I plead you to read about it)

His famous lines are part of a story. Excerpt from his Nobel Prize speech:

"I remember: it happened yesterday, or eternities ago. A young Jewish boy discovered the Kingdom of Night. I remember his bewilderment, I remember his anguish. It all happened so fast. The ghetto. The deportation. The sealed cattle car. The fiery altar upon which the history of our people and the future of mankind were meant to be sacrificed.

I remember he asked his father: “Can this be true? This is the twentieth century, not the Middle Ages. Who would allow such crimes to be committed? How could the world remain silent?”

And now the boy is turning to me. “Tell me,” he asks, “what have you done with my future, what have you done with your life?” And I tell him that I have tried. That I have tried to keep memory alive, that I have tried to fight those who would forget. Because if we forget, we are guilty, we are accomplices.

And then I explain to him how naïve we were, that the world did know and remained silent. And that is why I swore never to be silent whenever wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe."

So was Balaram, the "centrist", erroneous in his choice? To be a centrist is all right, to be a fence sitter is all right. That can as well be someones moral compass. Not everyone, especially in the public (real or media) appreciates confrontation. It is for the competing narratives to sway the centrist. Arjuna could not do that to Balaram, Duryodhan could not do that to Balaram.

Would participation of Balaram saved many more lives? Would the war have ended earlier had he sided with Pandavas? Would he have persuaded Duryodhan to end the battle earlier? There are no answers for these questions, but the possibilities are aplenty.

To be or not to be neutral. That is the question (h/t Shakespeare). To sum it, I feel, it is all right for someone to be neutral about many issues. In a networked society, constantly outraging, one can choose ones peace of mind over chaos. But when it comes to issues of injustice, of oppression, of stifling of freedom, neutrality would not confer high moral ground to the individual. The luxury to be Balaram may not always be there.