Words, Memory and Thoughts

What thoughts would flood our mind if someone was to tell us that we have been diagnosed with diabetes? Probably we would think about that uncle, that friend, that colleague who doesn't get to eat as he wishes, has become emaciated, have developed eye problems, have had to amputate a foot or something to such effect. Wouldn't the diagnosis worry us? Wouldn't it be enough to cause sleeplessness for at least a few days? It very much might.

And what triggered such train of thoughts? That word 'diabetes'. The memory associated with the word 'diabetes'.

Sounds very simple doesn't it? Sounds logical doesn't it? Now replace that word with any other word or words that bothers us. A friend telling she 'hates' you, the boss telling you are not working as 'expected', the bank sending SMS telling your EMI is 'due', and so on and so forth. If these were apparently negative connotations, the above applies for positive words too. Just think about it.

Our deep conditioning is a reason for great deal of pain and sorrow. Our conditioning as many philosophers would say is not of many years of our lives but of centuries together. That concept is for a different debate, some other time. But conditioning is a truth that chains us. We are chained to the thoughts embedded deep within.

The deep within is the long term memory; unlimited in capacity, storing vast information in packets, interconnected; and able to manifest when a thought draws upon it, from it. In other words our hurts, our notions, our perceptions are all linked to the deep seated memory. An image triggers it, a sound triggers it, a smell triggers it, a touch triggers it, a taste triggers it. Now, we are familiar with our sensory systems.

But what words, a common input for our sensory system can do, more often than not is, it can reach out to the deep seated memory. And then with whatever related thoughts we have, new thoughts are created. So how a good news or a bad news plays with us is by using the words used to generate thoughts.

So far so good, but one might wonder that it is a natural process; what is the big deal about it. The big deal again more often than not is the hurtful, sorrowful, painful thoughts that take space in our minds and makes the living difficult and/or demented. Can this 'natural process' be used to seek peace, seek silence? Yes. Difficult but yes.

The difficulty is in the 'unconditioning' part. If we do not let 'diabetes' conjure the thoughts, many of them half cooked, to build new thoughts that bring about the sleeplessness we can let the word not dictate our thoughts. In other words if the word can be dissociated with thoughts it would fail to impact.

Diabetes is just a word, cancer is just a word, hate is just a word. if we can bring about that desired 'silence' or what has been called as 'no-thought' it can prevent the unwarranted train of thoughts. It doesn't mean fostering ignorance, or denial, or escaping; on the contrary the dissociation between words and thoughts should occur in the background of total awareness, of the situation, of the individuals, of the surrounding, everything.

It is all easier said than done and at the same time not as difficult as it might appear or is made out to be. Tough and challenging times in life are times when such 'philosophies' can be brought into practice. It is when the iron is red hot that the hammer will help shape it. Difficult times and good times both provide that red heat. Question is are you even ready to make an effort to use the hammer?

 

On New Year day 2015 – a thought

On New Year day 2015 – a thought

‘Happy New Year’, ‘Happy New Year’,

The phones buzzed from midnight,

The excitement in voices palpable,

No lethargy at middle of the night.

The calendar will turn to a fresh page,

The dates will transform completely,

All that became old in twelve months,

Now will restart again freshly.

The wishing continues through the day,

Some customary some heartfelt,

For at least a day when many shook hands,

Those wouldn’t with each other have dealt.

The newness lasts for a while,

Safe to say for a few days,

Then its back to business,

To our own old ways.

Every day can be a new year,

When there is true awareness,

Every moment can be novel,

In every view a newness.

The conflicts of everyday life,

The sorrows that fill the days,

Can be ended in a moment,

Or at least kept in harness,

In a short span of stay on earth,

The amount of hate we amass,

Sadly most our own making,

Grappling all life to get riddance.

But there lies that peaceful world,

Devoid of all worries all pain,

And the path to it isn’t far,

It starts and ends in within.

May the turn of calendar bring forth,

A new chapter that was in waiting,

A new leaf, a new vigor, new love,

For a moment can be transforming

When To Let Someone Go?

 

When to let someone go?

Ideally never. A great source of our worries, our troubles, our sorrows, our deep hurt comes not from people unknown but from those that are dear to us. In fact it can never come from those unknown. Relatives, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, make life worthy of living adding tremendous joy to our being, but the same set of people can cause extreme pain, can be thorns in the otherwise velvety actuality. Though it remains the cornerstone of our existence that our life is meant to, or as some might say destined to, sway between good and bad times; the suffering inflicted by those we safely tag as our ‘own’, can move us, and in a negative manner, to great ends.

One common narrative is estrangement, suddenly or gradual, of friends. Most of us in our lives forge friendships, normal, mediocre, and great. Normal ones are passing, mediocre last for a while, occasionally flaring, and great ones last forever. Though there are many others that do not fall under these water tight compartments. Actually relations, emotions, feelings can never be strictly defined. Whichever category the friendship be, a great amount of stress caused due to the breaking of that friendship. Such an estrangement at any stage of our lives, as kids in school, as adults in college, or as older people puts us in a difficult situation.

Every other day spilled on social networks are narratives of hurt caused due to the sudden ‘change’ of a friend, the betrayal, the backstabbing, the cold shoulder, etc. Normally seen with teenagers or young adults who do not shy away from expressing their wound, such estrangement can be a source of great disturbance to them. Opinions are quickly formed, peer pressure builds, sides taken, blame game indulged in, impulsive actions taken, all of which compounds the already facing psychological stress.

So why does it all happen? Why does a person, who until yesterday was a dear friend, a confidante, an associate, suddenly turn hostile, unresponsive, or simply cold? Why does the exchange of thoughts, feelings, messages, stop or turn ugly? Why do you get blocked both from facebook and life? Why does the source of joy turn into a source of pain?

The answers are not easy. But definitely they are not trivial either. One could philosophically say that it is owing to the expectation we have from a person, or the attachment we build with one, which results in the hurt when they move away and out of our lives. But it could also be that you suddenly do not feature in the priority list of the individual; or that other stressors in their lives push them away from you. Sadly many a times, the estrangement is stark, and no reason can be safely concluded for it. However another major reason for such estrangements is misunderstanding.

Is there a way out of such situation? The foremost answer could be insulation. We tend to resort to it normally or are tempted to resort to it. But that is not a prudent solution. Building walls only makes us more emotionless. It will affect our state of mind and interaction with everyone around. So what is the way out?

Possibly, and it is easier said than done, to attain a state of detachment through attachment. That ability to let a person go, imagining well that our friends presence in our lives is impermanent, that your friends’ priority lists might not align with yours, or if you can de link your happiness from the presence of your friends in your lives one will not be hurt from the sudden or gradual disenchantment. It does not mean that one doesn’t give ones cent percent to a relationship, of friendship or otherwise; one certainly needs to, giving your best makes you human after all.

Ability to let go is not an easy attribute, but a necessary one. It comes in handy and the more you do it with ease the lesser it will adversely affect you. There is beauty in letting go, forgive more, forget more, and move on. It frees you and the person you let go. Do not stay back in the pleasurable moments, the moment that is lost, is lost forever. Do not make happy memories of the past a benchmark to gauge the hurt at present. Let go, it can be liberating.