Gender Crimes, Sexist Odour and Potent Thoughts

 

The voice of the oppressed now resonates; it seeks an end to the malady. The voice now reaches the echelons of power and the sanitized confines of drawing room, mostly emanating from the histrionic filled oratory in the cool confines of television studios. Oppression of the gender that bears life has become a hallmark of the times we live in. No, it has been a hallmark since humongous number of generations. Perhaps the voice of the oppressed is heard a little louder now;  stirring our conscience, hopefully; sparking discussion on matters that was always safe, in the attic; and causing action to cause deterrence, thankfully.

I will not discuss the ‘Aarushi’ double murder verdict, its fallacies and its merit; I will not discuss the Tejpal turmoil, tenacity of the claims, tumbling of revered institutions or trite conspiracy theories. I will also not write about venerable Justices and their tribulation with justice; or the millions of maladies that women face, at the hands of the marauder; who also turns murderer of body and soul both. Setting something straight by an exemplary execution, by delivering the rightly deemed justice, by empowering the oppressed while bearing empathy, are just, practical, warranted and vehement need of the hour.

But then that would not stand the test of something more beautiful yet obfuscating, something more potent yet vulnerable, and something that is the greatest gift of the species, yet its bane too, the human mind. How has the oppression of women been so systemic that it almost gives the impression to have been encoded in genes, dominantly expressing themselves, part of our fundamental DNA. Or is it just the acceptance of a fact which however foul is passed off as fortuitous, unfortunate, and fractured? Do we as a human race, with sweeping decline in ability for deep thinking, drastic depletion of lax time, ponder over where we went amiss?

As much as the finding of the golf club, or the blood-soaked pillow cover, the lift at the hotel, the hotel room, the letters, are all discussed threadbare; as much as sections of penal codes, the Vishakha guidelines, the pronouncement of verdicts analyzed intently; a discourse on the psychological verity is paramount. For, where does transgression stem from, where does misdemeanour get impetus from, how does man become so monstrous? The arrows shall point to the ‘thought’. The all power and all pervasive thought. The spark that a thought sets off gains momentum akin to that of a cascade, which when reaches the nadir expresses tremendous energy.

Thought feeds both on thoughts and actions. We were born unconditioned, a clean slate, but then thoughts got added, actions analyzed, environment internalized, and we grew up into what we are. Radical removal of raucous thoughts would require that un-conditioning. And for that behemoth roles have to be played by institutions, with sometimes an altruistic intent.

The moral science class that gave away to an extra hour for ‘entrance preparation’ cries to be reinstated. Regulation of TV and Internet content, not to the extent of being draconian, both institutionally and by a family is essential. Case in point, innocuous appearing deodorant ads reek of sexism; and if you think it doesn’t influence anyone go find out which ‘deo’ the teenager picks. Onus should also be on professional educational institutes to both sow the seeds of gender equality and uproot weeds; for a large time of the life is spent there. Pressure cooker education situations could and does in many cases culminate in high-earning wife-bashing professionals.

Dire situations call for dire measures. If you are in denial, you live very comfortably, oblivious to the rot that spreads, which god forbid could engulf you one day. If you are in affirmative then you need to do your bit. Would a Supreme Court, a committee, a National Commission for Women, set things right in this country? Definitely not. It will take more to tango. Media sensibilities, political will, effective policing, faster and accurate justice system, victim support systems, sensitive and sensible educational setups, they will help. But what will also help touch the core of the issue is introspection, an honest looking into our thoughts, both individually and collectively. Where did we go amiss? Where are we going amiss? For thoughts mould us, and we mould the thoughts.

 

 

Lesson in Honesty

One rainy evening in Manipal, about half past seven, a friend and I decided to go out for dinner to a restaurant in Udupi, four kilometers away. We were then, staying in a hostel. Having going through a testing time in life compounded by the lack of allure of hostel food, demanded that little outing. We rushed to the parking lot, almost scampering in the drizzle, and I started the car. I reversed, completely miscalculating the presence of a car on my right. A novice driver then, the front right of my car scratched the left behind of the other.

The damage was done, my heart was pounding, but having realised quickly that there was no way the situation could be reversed, we didn’t stop; we went for dinner. On the way, I contemplated what needs to be done about the situation. A plethora of thoughts clouded my mind. It was a rainy evening, not many people noticed what happened, and could I just get away with it? Doesn’t such minor dents and scratches happen all the time in big cities? I didn’t even know whose vehicle it was, the hostel didn’t have allotted parking spaces and maybe when we would be back the other vehicle would be gone. The warm food at Udupi, though succor for the palate, could not provide solace to the mind.

We returned after a couple of hours to find the other car right there where it was when we left. No one was around. The hostel on a rainy night bore a deserted look. My penchant for car numbers helped me identify the owner. A person whom I knew through an acquaintance, who my friend I concluded appeared snob, and thus would certainly be difficult to deal with. We assessed the damage to his car, not grave but certainly a black mark on his otherwise clean and perfect car. Without mentioning it we perhaps concluded that we do not pursue the matter further. We went back to our respective rooms.

Then the conscience stirred. I did not know in which room the guy stayed. I went through profile of our common friend to identify his name, then called the hostel office to find his room. With apprehension about how it would pan out, my friend and I visited his room. I confessed, he was shocked. He came down with us to assess the damage and was visually upset. He dismissed me with informing that I have to pay him the damage repair costs, how much ever it be.

To add to miseries of that time was this another unnecessary, avoidable incident. The next few days were spent in anticipation. I tried contacting various people, garages to find out how much it would actually cost and could I help him in getting the work done. After a week he came with a staggering sum of money that I needed to pay. I thought I did not have an option and asked him if I could pay it in installments. Reluctantly, he agreed. I paid the first installment.

Then possibly he had the change in heart.  He hadn’t, for whatever reasons, factored in insurance costs, which now brought the cost down. Amidst the turmoil came his text message. It read, “I really appreciate how you took the trouble of finding me and informing, when you could have very easily got away with; you need not pay anything further, my insurance took care of it”.

The values, the beliefs, the emotions, the relations, the feelings, the people around, all make much more sense when you are through an emotional turmoil. A life threatening accident in family had affected like no other. Life is perhaps a good teacher but teaches lessons very harshly. Through that turmoil this lesson in honesty proved that however cliché it may sound, however bad you may think people are, however rotten the world you may think has become, there is still somewhere deep within us humans that fire burning of truthfulness and honesty.

 

 

Poetry - A Vicious Trail

 

When you realized the world around you

When awareness dawned of all that exists

Right then you were made to think

That differences between each persists

 

Differences you could see for yourselves

Appreciate the variety warts-and-all

But then you were made to think again

Draw two boxes and divide them all

 

Everything should be always good or bad

Or swing between being better and best

And the thought got ingrained deep within

Never see a thing without the comparing test

 

When young it was marks in the school

It was about the better water bottle

The cars in which your friends arrived

The rat race induced to prove your mettle

 

The career neighbor chose for his son

Proved a thorn in your and parents flesh

The hunt for college pushed into a hallway

No scope of turning back starting afresh

 

The grass got more greener on other side

When your friend drew home a fatter salary

You felt jealous for you started together

Unmindful how has been his life’s vagary

 

By the time you got in the quicksand

Mired in thoughts that compared everything

Life would take a full circle with your kids

Whose thoughts on anything is nothing

 

But you wouldn’t stop there for a while

Think and reflect on your journey

For you will make the toddler think

That not comparing things is a felony

 

Take a while and pause and think

No two lives are same

Then why compare on each yardstick

Why take part in such a game

 

A vicious circle we get into thus

Although aware at its utter futility

Breeding comparison at each step in life

Mars life’s purpose and its utility

 

The more you do it, greater the discontent

It Undermines your true potential

Don’t look at others, peep deep within

Cant you see you are so very special!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goa - Tavelogue

Having been staying at a five-hour-by-train distance, having visited a nondescript one day seven years back, having that rare and elusive long weekend, and also having gotten married in the meantime, we decided to make a trip to arguably India’s top tourist destination – Goa.
Travel:
Konkan railway provides quick, relaxing, and picturesque travel from Udupi (from where we travelled) to Goa.
Cost: Rs 400 (approx) for a 3^rd AC travel, Rs 250 (approx) for SL class.
Time: somewhere between 3 hours 45 mins to 6 hours.

We reached Madgaon station (remember trains do not go to Panaji) in the evening and booked a cab at the pre-paid taxi counter. Though it is a tad bit expensive it is safe. Note that your GPS on phone can come in handy, it makes you feel safer and sure of direction.

Stay:

Advent of numerous online hotel booking sites have opened a plethora of options and confused a middle class to great ends! The search started long back. It included the already tested place near Calangute beach. Nice hotel but one not suitable when visiting for a relaxing time.

Studio apartment at Arpora

A blog led to an address of Capt.Dehpande at Arpora (north goa) who owns a studio apartment in one of the villas. Though one would think its on the expensive side considering its distance to beach, but for those seeing relaxation away from the humdrum, this is the place. The owners and caretakers are caring. There is a pool and the kitchen is handy for breakfasts or dinner.  

Resort swimming pool - pretty shallow :)

Back view

Cost: Negotiable, 3000 (approx) per day
Location: Right side off the Aguada-Siolim road

Day 1: North Goa

Renting a two wheeler is the best option for travelling around provided you have a valid driving licence. Your hotel guard, caretaker, would be ideal person to book one for you, else there are plenty of them at major road junctions. It is to be noted that petrol bunks are scanty and hence have a good track of how much you are filling. It is advisable to carry a bottle of petrol in the vehicle.

Cost: Gearless vehicle Rs 250 per day; Fuel: petrol is pretty cheap in Goa! (Rs 60 per Lit)

We visited Chapora fort, which has to be climbed through a rough terrain. The soft drink seller at the fort, who claims to be there for more than 20 years, says the entry is kept natural thankfully.

It can be draining to climb it in the hot sun so carry enough fluids. A shop at the base of the hillock is ideal for it. Atop the fort, (most unlikely kind of fort) view of Anjuna and Vagator on one side, the graveyard on the other is lovely.

View atop Chapora Fort - Anjuna & Vagator

Lunch at Oasis (advised by trip advisor!), on the Anjuna beach road was pretty bland in taste but decent enough for lunch, particularly after the scorching sun. I am of the view that any such eateries will do a decent job!

Unique KFC building at Calangute circle

After resting a while at the hotel, we headed to Aguada Fort, which however closes at 5:30 in the evening and thus could not make it. Drive back was good and we reached baga beach where we were ushered by the shack guys and ended up in one after securing the front row.

Cost: Rs 700 for two
However since it was early evening we ended up having dinner at a restaurant on the Aguada-Siolim road, the orange county. Lovely ambience, not so great food.
Cost: Rs 700 for two (approx)

Day 2: Old Goa

Driving 12 odd kilometres to old Goa is worth it.
Church of Bom Jesus, and the museum and Se cathedral are probably the most identifiable place in Goa.

Basilica Bom Jesus

Se Cathedral

 The road opposite Se Cathedral, leads to Adil Shah’s gateway (the last remaining structure), Viceroys gateway and church of St Cajetan.

Viceroys gate

Church of St Cajetan

The area opposite Bom Jesus leads to the beautiful remnants of St Augustinian monastery. It is worth the visit.

Ethereal remnants of St Augustinian monastery

 Back to Panaji via the riverside road is wonderful. The church which features in most movies is the Church of my lady of Immaculate Conception and is right in Panaji and will take hardly half an hour to see.

Church of My lady of immaculate conception

Trip advisor came handy to search restaurants in Panaji and the chart was topped by Ritz Classic. GPS and asking around led us to the hotel (on 17^th June road) which was brimming with people and did not have a proper waiting area. The ambience was good however.

Goan fish curry and rice is the preferred dish. The lime soda was the best we ever had (perhaps accentuated by the thirst of travelling). We ordered shark rava fry, which was quite a lot for two people. The quantity is really huge considering there appeared two papads for one plate of masala papad! Advice is to order after confirming quantity with the waiter.

Fish curry rice with shark fry

 

heavenly sweet lime soda with cherry

Ritz I heard is shifting to a new place in couple of months, but is worth the visit.

Cost: Rs 700 for two (approx)
Pros: Great sea food Cons: Waiting
We headed to Dona Paula beach which was decent. Bad roads lead to it but probably the movie Singham has added to its visiting value.

Ajay Devgn uprooted some lamp post in Singham I believe

Back to North Goa where Fort Aguada was waiting for our visit.

Fort Aguada panaroma

Its a good drive and a good fort to visit. The vast expanse of sea is indeed breathtaking.

We headed to Arpora saruday night bazaar and Anjuna flea market both of which did not begin, for it starts only in mid November.
A rest at the studio apartment and in the evening to Baga beach again to have dinner at Brittos. The place lives up to its hype. Again the quantity is pretty decent so order should be placed keeping that in consideration.

Brittos special chicken with salad and chips

Cost: Rs 800 for two (approx)

Day 3: Return
Back to Mdgaon and reservation in a passenger train. Train arrived late and was irksome though it reached Udupi at a decent time in the evening.
Cost : Taxi – Rs 1000 ; Passenger train: Rs 75 per ticket
Summary:
Goa is not just for the booze and party. It is indeed a nice place for relaxation if considered in that fashion. The Nigerian murder case had just erupted the day we visited. Apart than the brouhaha in media, nothing disturbing happened on ground. It was disturbing and surprising to see local signboards of major outlets in Russian, a testimony to the increasing population of tourists from that country. Goa provides a lot of opportunity for those who love history – Portuguese, English and local. Directions are easy with signboards everywhere and cooperative nice Goan people everywhere. Go to Goa to idly roam around, have good food and just relax.

Photo courtesy: Snigdha Mishra and yours truly