When To Let Someone Go?

 

When to let someone go?

Ideally never. A great source of our worries, our troubles, our sorrows, our deep hurt comes not from people unknown but from those that are dear to us. In fact it can never come from those unknown. Relatives, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, make life worthy of living adding tremendous joy to our being, but the same set of people can cause extreme pain, can be thorns in the otherwise velvety actuality. Though it remains the cornerstone of our existence that our life is meant to, or as some might say destined to, sway between good and bad times; the suffering inflicted by those we safely tag as our ‘own’, can move us, and in a negative manner, to great ends.

One common narrative is estrangement, suddenly or gradual, of friends. Most of us in our lives forge friendships, normal, mediocre, and great. Normal ones are passing, mediocre last for a while, occasionally flaring, and great ones last forever. Though there are many others that do not fall under these water tight compartments. Actually relations, emotions, feelings can never be strictly defined. Whichever category the friendship be, a great amount of stress caused due to the breaking of that friendship. Such an estrangement at any stage of our lives, as kids in school, as adults in college, or as older people puts us in a difficult situation.

Every other day spilled on social networks are narratives of hurt caused due to the sudden ‘change’ of a friend, the betrayal, the backstabbing, the cold shoulder, etc. Normally seen with teenagers or young adults who do not shy away from expressing their wound, such estrangement can be a source of great disturbance to them. Opinions are quickly formed, peer pressure builds, sides taken, blame game indulged in, impulsive actions taken, all of which compounds the already facing psychological stress.

So why does it all happen? Why does a person, who until yesterday was a dear friend, a confidante, an associate, suddenly turn hostile, unresponsive, or simply cold? Why does the exchange of thoughts, feelings, messages, stop or turn ugly? Why do you get blocked both from facebook and life? Why does the source of joy turn into a source of pain?

The answers are not easy. But definitely they are not trivial either. One could philosophically say that it is owing to the expectation we have from a person, or the attachment we build with one, which results in the hurt when they move away and out of our lives. But it could also be that you suddenly do not feature in the priority list of the individual; or that other stressors in their lives push them away from you. Sadly many a times, the estrangement is stark, and no reason can be safely concluded for it. However another major reason for such estrangements is misunderstanding.

Is there a way out of such situation? The foremost answer could be insulation. We tend to resort to it normally or are tempted to resort to it. But that is not a prudent solution. Building walls only makes us more emotionless. It will affect our state of mind and interaction with everyone around. So what is the way out?

Possibly, and it is easier said than done, to attain a state of detachment through attachment. That ability to let a person go, imagining well that our friends presence in our lives is impermanent, that your friends’ priority lists might not align with yours, or if you can de link your happiness from the presence of your friends in your lives one will not be hurt from the sudden or gradual disenchantment. It does not mean that one doesn’t give ones cent percent to a relationship, of friendship or otherwise; one certainly needs to, giving your best makes you human after all.

Ability to let go is not an easy attribute, but a necessary one. It comes in handy and the more you do it with ease the lesser it will adversely affect you. There is beauty in letting go, forgive more, forget more, and move on. It frees you and the person you let go. Do not stay back in the pleasurable moments, the moment that is lost, is lost forever. Do not make happy memories of the past a benchmark to gauge the hurt at present. Let go, it can be liberating.

Rules and Pragmatism

I forgot the ticket back home. In the offing was a whirlwind tour home, couple of thousand kilometers away, stopover at in-laws and a function to organize, all in four days’ time. And amidst the melee, the Karnataka State Road Tourism Corporation (KSRTC) bus ticket booked for the return journey from Bangalore to Mangalore was forgotten and it lay safe on the topmost shelf of the bedroom.

I realized it while I was at home and hence could do nothing about it. I called my colleague to find out if a duplicate ticket could be issued. After inquiry he got me the PNR number and the ticket number. Owing to reaching Bangalore late in the evening, all effort to search for a KSRTC counter which would issue a duplicate ticket failed. The following morning the bus was scheduled at 11 am. We reached the bus stand by 9:30 to discover at the KSRTC office that duplicate ticket can only be issued 2 hours prior to the journey after paying 25% of ticket fee as fine.

Now comes the interesting part. The ‘job sheet’ that the bus conductor carried had our seats written against our names along with my mobile number. Despite my plea to produce photo identity proving it was indeed me, he would not oblige to let us in. That followed contacting all and sundry officials of KSRTC to explain the case. A few were willing to help, others not. The scene was gradually turning tense and hostile and at some point futile.

Right about then, I received a text message, DM-KSRTC, intimating about the journey and giving the phone number of conductor thereon. I was hopeful that would clinch my case, as a mere physical paper ticket could not surpass all the other evidences suggesting my proof of travel and identity. But alas, the bus conductor, his superior were not ready to budge.

The solution according to them. Buy a new ticket which he would issue for the same seat numbers and cancel the previous. Tricky part that I discovered later – there is no refund after the travel is made. Loss to me – twice the ticket cost! I cursed myself for not booking e-ticket, which I have been doing for all other travels since years now.

A sum of 1500 is not a small amount, but even if it were, paying the ticket cost again just because you are not carrying the ticket is ridiculous. The name, contact number on job sheet, the message from KSRTC, and presence of photo identity must have been enough to allow us to make the journey. But the rules overtook.

At this point it may be debated that the rule should be followed tooth and nail. That it doesn’t matter if the ticket cost had to be paid twice. But what about being pragmatic? At the face of enough evidence should the piece of paper supersede the human being present there, along with two sets of evidence for his travel?

I found the ticket after returning back home, carried it in pocket for lodging a complain; and after a day dumped it in a dustbin; for I knew the rule would prevail.

'The Big Connect' - Book Review

 

Elephant in the room – Book review of ‘The Big Connect’ by Shaili Chopra

There could not have been a better time for the release of this book by award winning journalist Shaili Chopra. At the outset she must be thanked for three things. Firstly for embarking on a topic that has gained tremendous significance in recent times. Secondly for bringing it out at a time when this significance is getting translated on ground. And thirdly for a meticulously researched piece of work

‘In this new era, every tweet counts’. The first sentence of the book sets the tone for what is to follow. The Big Connect – Politics in the age of social media is perhaps the few published books at present that deal with how social media, the Web 2.0 tools and platforms have had an impact on Indian politics. With the revolution in accessibility to internet, politicians have found a new dimension to reach out and receive feedback. The book discusses various elements associated with this new dimension.

Ms Chopra straightway deals with the recent events that has shaped politics in conjunction with social media, be it the humongous social media PR exercise of Narendra Modi, the rise of Arvind Kejriwal led AAP or the measured distance of Rahul Gandhi. She delves into the budget allocation by the parties for social media, teams which manage these and the platforms. In Chapter 4, a good introduction to the platforms, primarily Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube is provided. The author educates the readers on how politics and social media were married during Barack Obamas campaign and has since captured imaginations in political arena.

Chapter 5 describes major events of the recent past with a social media connect, beginning from the Osama Raid which was liveblogged to The Arab Spring to the Delhi gangrape to the cattleclass controversy to Tehelka Goa sexual assault case. It is the next three chapters that brings the best in the book. ‘The First Mover Advantage’, ‘Reluctant Followers’ and ‘Social Media Wonder’, dedicated to Modi, Rahul and Kejriwal respectively discusses how these three Indian politicians deal with social media.

It is in these chapters that the blitzkrieg that Narendra Modi's social media campaign has created comes out. 1.19 billion Facebook active users, nearly 40 lakhs Twitter followers (Jan 2013) (which as on 4.14.14 is at 3.74 million), NitiCentral, india272.com, NRI management are all part of brand Modi. All this has resulted in creation of a larger than life persona which we see today. In sharp contrast is Rahul Gandhi (and Congress) who has not actively involved in social media and has been at the receiving end of a slew of jokes. AAP scripts a social media success story, now being emulated by many.

Chapter 10 deals with the most contemporary issue – elections 2014. It discusses how about 160 of the 543 seats have been suggested to be swayed by public perception built by social media. It will be only interesting to see the result of these constituencies. The last two chapters are more reflective which discusses the social churning owing to social media and its credibility issues.

The Big Connect is an elephant in the room for most political parties barring the BJP and AAP who have made optimum use of it. Whether one like it or not connecting with people via platforms of social media will largely determine the approachability, responsibility and transparency of the new-age neta. The book could have been crisper; facts repeat at various stages of the book. A lacking is also sensed in greater discussion of relevance of social media with respect to the millions who still do not have access to twitter on their smartphones or how ground realities could be different than the virtual world.

In the cusp of general elections 2014, with social media being used by parties and politicians like never before, and the social impact of social media being discussed in various narratives, Shaili Chopra’s well researched ‘The Big Connect’ makes for an interesting and captivating read.

 

The book can be bought at:

 http://www.flipkart.com/big-connect-politics-age-social-media/p/itmduk7p66x8xdnf?pid=9788184005509&otracker=from-search&srno=t_1&query=the+big+connect&ref=991f717d-8161-4579-a725-72f0a1b0977c