Letter to Aindri on her 11th birthday

Dearest jhia, 

You are 11!

First things first, this is your first birthday outside of India.

Quite unique, isn't it? So yeah, this marks the most important change in the past year.

But rewind to your 10th birthday celebrations. We had it in Valley View (again) and you seemed to quite like that idea.  Mom painstakingly built a "Jasmine" themed cake. Fondant, butter cream, tiered, decoration, etc, the usual routine on 2nd Jan followed (while you went to school). All our friends of Manipal were in attendance. It was a large gathering of about 35 people. By that time, we were also anticipating our movement to Malaysia, so we were also seeing it as a large gathering before we leave. Anyway each of your birthday we have invited all our friends at Manipal and it has always been a lovely time.

A few days after your birthday, we went to Bangalore. Sweden folks had come down and we went to spend some time with them. By that time our final dates to move to Melaka were not final but it was in the offing. We also met Rishu, the cute little boy, during that trip. 

You had your school annual day a few days later. And you had always been very excited for it. This year you got to dance. As usual we were the excited parents coming to school early and taking the best seats. You danced very well and you were so happy that your Vice Principal Ms Jyothi Santhosh appreciated your performance. A few days later we also did a trip with Aadya Shetty and her family and drove to Mudigere and stayed there for a night. I think you enjoyed that trip.

Utsav came of course at the end of March. As usual the grind that had been happening for the last 10 years happened. It was to be my 10th and last as Secretary, CCC. You had been an integral part of all these right since your childhood. I guess one of the highlights was when Dr Ballal announced in the valedictory about my leaving, which stunned you (and a lot of people who did not know until that point)

Tough goodbyes

By now the dates were decided and we started packing and saying good byes to people at Manipal. You were of course not vey happy about it because Manipal was what you had seen and lived all the 10 years of your life. It was extremely tough for me too, to leave the place we had made home. But we did start meeting people, going to their houses, meeting for dinners, etc. We had received so much love and affection from people and it was hard to say bye, but it is important sometimes to move forward and that can involve moving away. Physical distance may increase but the love, the fondness does not change. They change their shapes yes and it can be tough to see that change happening, but it is an important phenomenon in life and one must accept that happily, mindfully, and move on. 

Leaving our home, which we built ourselves, in which we had the best of times was tough. You loved every part of our home, from your 'sundar' bedroom to the floor, to everything. But we were to make a move for something new and possibly better. 

Few weeks before we were to leave, Jema, Jepa, Trisha nani, Hitesh Fufa came over and we had a good time with all of them. We went to Hasta Shilpa village, the boat ride in Swarna river, restaurants, etc. 

Melaka in May

The day finally arrived. Shobha aunty & Ullas mama came home to say bye; your friends Aadya Vemala and Saanvi Bhat dropped as a surprise. It was a very emotional moment. We left from Mangalore to Bangalore and then to Kuala Lumpur and arrived in Melaka on 3rd May, a Saturday. A new place, we were received by former colleagues from Manipal and the sense of familiarity was a relief. Ganesh uncle, Anand uncle, Nagalakshmi aunty, they were all there in the morning.

We settled in in the staff quarters and as soon as Monday, 5th May came, we were filled with another worry - of leaving you alone at home. Something we had never done in all these years. I was suggesting we put cameras to see you, but Mummy said that wouldn't be required, as you were a very responsible girl. The office timings here were 8-5, though we could come home for lunch. That left you alone for a very long time at home. But you did well. Though your screen time increased with watching tab but you did well.

The next concern was school. We went to see a couple of schools though with our prior planning we had decided to send you to Melaka Expatriate School. Thankfully you liked it better than the other schools. However, the session was underway and we planned to send you at that start of the year (September 1 in this case).

This left you with nearly 4 months of being school-less! But it passed and passed well. You have in fact, though reluctantly, read 5-6 books in these months.

We were regularly going for shopping trips on Wednesday and Friday in the college vehicle, a routine you started loving. We explored many things at Melaka starting from Jonkers street, food joints, Mahakota mall, big Aeon, small Aeon, Mixue!, and other new things. You found new love in Kari Maggi, a change from the Indian maggi. You began to like these Sanrio things (rolls eyes) like Kuromi, Cinnamoroll, etc, etc and of course wanted all of them all the time.

New school - new beginnings

School started in September and we were worried how it will be. The curriculum, Cambridge curriculum, is pretty different from CBSE which you were used to. The approach of subjects is different, the books are presented differently and they are really good - as teachers of so many years we could see that. But it was not easy to pick as it demands different approach. 

Your class just had 10 kids, you were the 11th and that is a sea change from how it was in India. You started making new friends, maneuvering the school staircase, the teachers (Mr Morias), lunch time, and other things. It has just been 3 months and the journey has been fine. This December holiday you did say that you were bored and wanted to go to school. You have decided to have lunch provided at school. Which is also a testimony that you have taken to the food here.

Newer things

Among new things in Malaysia, we met Vinod uncle and family a few times in these months, you had a good time with Hari bhaiya. We also went to a Chinese wedding (of our former student Rachel) and it was a unique experience. We reconnected with Mummy's school friend, Anshul mama and their family which includes Snow the most well behaved dog. By the end of November we purchased the new car (you are calling it Aphro) 

The end of the year brought with it a heartbreak with Nani-ma being diagnosed with advanced cancer. You went with Mummy to Calcutta to see her. She is doing well in body and spirit until now but you know how difficult it can get. You were upset but having seen Nanu earlier as a kid, you have a very good understanding of these difficult health conditions, which has been, sadly, part of you since forever. But what is important is that it has not deterred anything. We have been strong and practical and resolute in dealing with these things. It gives you character and a unique strength to deal with things. It also tells you what priorities in life are. We do not know how this year is going to be for Nani but whatever it is we will deal with it and you will always have her love and blessings.

The world that was

The world in the past year was as crazy as it could get. There has been a sense of despondency overall. The Trump administration in America has been in news for all the wrong reason. There is a wave against good scientific temper in America (as well as in India), against immigrants. The wars in Ukraine and Gaza continues, and other small ones have popped up, and they have been normalized. There have only been pockets of uplifting initiatives. You are still studying Roman history and will need some time to understand these things.

Whatever it is, remember, kindness will move the world forward. You must be kind to yourself first, then to everyone around you. There is much value in goodness.

Technological advancements are on a rise. the quest for the space or Mars is continuing. Artificial Intelligence continues to be part of our everyday lives, though many think the bubble might burst soon. Australia banned social media for under 16 year olds, which has been lauded. You were very keen on having a phone for this birthday which was vetoed of course, and for good reason.

So, concluding...

The year 2025 has been a roller coaster. Moving countries is definitely not an usual thing, at least for us, and you did it and did it well. Looking back, you must be commended for your support, even though it was not easy for you. You are adapting to the new school and hope you do it well, sooner than later. You are desperately wanting to be a teen. 

You still love your songs, you have diversified into English and Korean (black pink et. al.,) and your dance (large part of the 4 months at home before school) and those stupid YouTube videos (watching which has drastically reduced) and your Mixue boba tea. And the birthday cake, which Mummy has to make. And which she has, despite not having oven yet. That said, you are a very understanding girl, much mature for your age.

I hope you keep your innocence. I hope you adapt to the world quickly because so many things are suddenly changing. I hope you continue to be the determined (for getting things, read material objects, that you want) girl that you are.

On that note, I love you the most!

Papa.

Letter to Aindri on her 9th birthday

 My dearest jhia,

Today you turn 9!

The lovely thing about your birthday which is still going strong is your enthusiasm for it! You start pretty early in the year and it reaches the pinnacle as the year ends. I hope you continue having this excitement into your grown up years too!

For your 8^th birthday, we returned to normalcy, the normalcy of hosting friends at home. We did debate about hosting it outside somewhere but in the end we thought we can do it at our home. ‘Nani’ was there during your birthday. We had the regular set of friends and a couple of new ones who joined. You wore a blue-white dress, with a crown (rolls eyes). Your mother baked for you a beautiful cake which had one of your Barbie dolls fixed inside it (Barbie thusu cake as we called it).

For most part of the first half of the year, you were very happy with Nani being around; and as a massive change in the usual practice you started sleeping in the other room. The frequency increased gradually but in the end you liked it with Mummy Papa in ‘sundar bedroom’.

A Bangalore visit happened in late January to drop nani-ma there. We took our new car out to the beach a lot and to Mangalore more than we usually did. The Chinese restaurants (Hao Ming) became a favorite for few occasions and later so did the Rajasthani restaurant. My birthday and Mummy’s birthday arrived and we started going to Kyoto restaurant, which was a new addition to our eating places in 2023.

In mid-February we went for a very short stay to Uva meridian and the water park experience there was immensely fun! After our return from there, Budha Aja, Papa’s last surviving grandparent and one who have had a great influence on my life passed on. I went to Talcher later for the rituals. You would remember Budha Aja decently well. He loved you a lot and always said that this one is going to be a very “strong” lady. His excitement on your birth knew no bounds for his eldest grandson’s daughter is a big deal you see. We used to see him always whenever we went to Odisha so you will surely remember, or at least I hope so, few of those encounters.

Utsav happened next; you now know pretty well how it goes for me. Both Mummy and you cooperate a lot in the days leading to Utsav enabling me to work for it. You have started mimicking the phone calls, the regular people I talk to, the organizational quirks I have. Utsav 2023 was really smooth and the quality of events were top notch.

We went to Bangalore again in April. We met Tingiya that time briefly. After we were back you attended perhaps your first ever concert of a major popular singer – Shaan. It was held in KMC Greens and was a very enjoyable show. Your love for singing continued and your self-learning also continued over the year. Towards the later part of the year the use of Alexa, added a new dimension to this because now there was someone who attended the commands of playing songs.

We hosted Utsav gang people at home and were surprise visited by Suraj & Vandana, your reaction being noteworthy; you were howling on the floor at the surprise. In the month of May we went to Odisha, via Hyderabad. We went to the new home of Jepa & Jema at Vipul gardens in Bhubaneswar this time and it was lovely. It was the peak of summers and AC in all rooms were a constant feature. At this rate of global warming things are going to be very difficult. There is only one planet and I hope my generation does not spoil it beyond repair for yours.

Since it was summers there were the summer fruits and you enjoyed the mangoes and litchi a lot. Som bhaina’s thread ceremony was the major event that we had to attend and it was a first of its kind for you. You met a host of people on my side of the family. We also went to Talcher for a day in between. Cousins, food, short trips later we were back via Bangalore, getting nani-ma with us to Manipal. We came by train and you loved the experience as usual. Your detest for flights because of the smell and motion sickness continued this year too.

I had fewer trips to Bangalore last year which was greatly liked by you. Papa & Mummy got busy with their conference organization after that. It was Extended reality in healthcare and you came over and saw a bit of the virtual reality and mixed reality stuff that was around. You also liked the basic VR device last year Mummy gifted you for your birthday which requires the phone to go inside it. Well, digital natives, you all.

On Independence Day we took a road trip to Bekal Fort in Kerala. A few days later I had to go to Goa for work. Vivek uncle visited from Singapore and you were very happy to meet him. We went to Shobha aunty’s house for Ganesh Puja, a yearly ritual now.

Another first happened last year – watching circus. Rambo circus had set shop in Mangalore and we decided to go there, which was after you asked for it quite a few times. Parents, you see. Circus days I believed had long gone but the Rambo circus was a pleasant surprise which we all enjoyed.

In October, we planned a Kerala trip. After seeing off nani who headed to Kolkata, we went for a 7 day trip to Munnar, Thekkady, Aleppey/Kumarakom & Kochi. It was a good trip. While you disliked the travel through mountainous roads but the nice stay, the food (hogged at the buffets), the swimming pool were all greatly liked by you. From the hill station of Munnar with endless tea plants on hills to the great houseboat (completely for us) experience; the trip was unique.

Jema & Jepa visited shortly after and were there with us during Diwali. They left after a few weeks and we went for a short trip to Pondicherry. I think you liked it, though you surely did not like walking so much at Matri Mandir. You had pasta, and there was the amazing pink pasta at Café Coromandel, all the three nights we were at Pondy. Jema & jepa came back in the last week of December. We went out for lunch on New year’s eve and the new year day started in a not so nice way for you, with you falling off the bed and hurting your head. But you surprisingly braved it well.

The world in 2023 had its ups and downs as is the case with everything. India became the most populous country in the world. The popular narrative that it is a bad thing is not entirely correct. However we need more jobs and opportunities for the young. I hope things look up in another decade. The year was marked by great advancements in Artificial Intelligence. AI, or generative AI, is breaking barriers at a fast pace. Getting things written, getting images made, creating videos, health, entertainment, everything is seeing AI applications. By the time you are more grown up, this will become a default in many ways. It is important to understand it better and use it and use for the better.

The Israel-Palestine conflict took a very serious turn and lots of lives are still getting lost in it. If you take an interest in understanding it later in life, always remember to start from the basics, from credible books & resources and not off what just appears on the internet. In India Manipur continued to burn for large part of the year.

The world is becoming narrower in many aspects sadly. Narrower in thoughts and action. Bigotry, majoritarianism, protectionism, shutting doors, lay-offs are on the rise. One can only hope that things get better for the younger generations. This hope is also ‘from’ the younger generations who need to shed the narrowness. A short life that we all have is not worth the pettiness, the conflicts, even though they may look lucrative on the exterior. I hope you will understand this when you are older. It is dichotomous for on one had we are closer to space travel, closer to solutions to a lot of diseases yet on the other hand are held back by conflicts, of mind and on ground.

Anyway, you still continued not liking to go to school, but it got better than earlier. You are doing well academically, thanks to Mummy who is in charge for it majorly. You continued reading books though you still want me or Mummy to read them to you. I guess you are just pushing your luck. You have of late started pushing your luck about wearing shoes with higher heels. Not happening. You are growing tall. Your love for potato chips is unending.

You still have the carefree childhood in you; which sadly does not remain after a certain time (for most of us). I seriously hope you continue having a major strain of that. It is important.

I love you the most, and will always do so.

Papa.

The Neutrality of Balaram

In the great epic The Mahabharata, Balaram, the elder brother of Lord Krishna, plays a curious role. When the two clans, Kauravas and Pandavas prepare to fight the great battle, Krishna joins the Pandavas, but Balaram, to whom both Duryodhan and Arjuna are dear, decides not to join any side. Instead, he goes off to pilgrimage during that period.

Was Balaram right in not choosing one of the sides? What would the course of the war been had he sided with Kauravas or even the Pandavas? The battle of dharma that Mahabharata was, poses various dilemmas, including, the neutrality of Balaram. The similar dilemma extends to everyday life when one has to choose among conflicting narratives.

What does one do when one has to choose? Choose anything.

Every choice we make gets our mind to evaluate pros and cons, ease and difficulty, dharma and adharma, cost and benefit and many such factors. We get conditioned fast and deeply and then these evaluations becomes mundane for things that do not affect us much. It is only when the situation poses a challenge, when the conditioning is at loggerheads with new set of thoughts that conflict arises.

So, does being neutral take away the burden of making a choice? And in doing so, does it absolve oneself of the conflicts?

There are no easy answers to that.

Think about the numerous battles of narratives that are fought, as an extension, in the social media. There is a constant pressure on one to choose, to take a side. Is neutrality an option available though?

Yes, perhaps neutrality is an option available when one is faced with situations where there is a conflict between ideology depicted in a movie, where there is a fight over origin of a food item, about a certain depiction of history, etc.

But there are certain situations where the line gets drawn.

When it comes to neutrality, parts of Nobel laureate Elie Weisel's famous acceptance speech is often quoted. And in those beautiful lines are defined those situations where neutrality ceases to become an option. (many people I know, know nothing about Holocaust. If you, the reader is one of them, I plead you to read about it)

His famous lines are part of a story. Excerpt from his Nobel Prize speech:

"I remember: it happened yesterday, or eternities ago. A young Jewish boy discovered the Kingdom of Night. I remember his bewilderment, I remember his anguish. It all happened so fast. The ghetto. The deportation. The sealed cattle car. The fiery altar upon which the history of our people and the future of mankind were meant to be sacrificed.

I remember he asked his father: “Can this be true? This is the twentieth century, not the Middle Ages. Who would allow such crimes to be committed? How could the world remain silent?”

And now the boy is turning to me. “Tell me,” he asks, “what have you done with my future, what have you done with your life?” And I tell him that I have tried. That I have tried to keep memory alive, that I have tried to fight those who would forget. Because if we forget, we are guilty, we are accomplices.

And then I explain to him how naïve we were, that the world did know and remained silent. And that is why I swore never to be silent whenever wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe."

So was Balaram, the "centrist", erroneous in his choice? To be a centrist is all right, to be a fence sitter is all right. That can as well be someones moral compass. Not everyone, especially in the public (real or media) appreciates confrontation. It is for the competing narratives to sway the centrist. Arjuna could not do that to Balaram, Duryodhan could not do that to Balaram.

Would participation of Balaram saved many more lives? Would the war have ended earlier had he sided with Pandavas? Would he have persuaded Duryodhan to end the battle earlier? There are no answers for these questions, but the possibilities are aplenty.

To be or not to be neutral. That is the question (h/t Shakespeare). To sum it, I feel, it is all right for someone to be neutral about many issues. In a networked society, constantly outraging, one can choose ones peace of mind over chaos. But when it comes to issues of injustice, of oppression, of stifling of freedom, neutrality would not confer high moral ground to the individual. The luxury to be Balaram may not always be there.

Medicine on phone

Last week I was under the weather. And the week prior, the rest two in the family. High grade fever, throat infection, etc bogged us all down. Situation sometimes warranted immediate advice regarding what should be done, whether a medicine had to be changed, whether it was time to start antibiotics, if it was required to see a doctor. And to give that much needed advice, all I had to do was pick the phone and text, or if situation was too emergent, to call. We weathered the two weeks.

I was able to  do so perhaps because I teach in a medical school, I have the fortune of knowing some good doctors, to have a good rapport with them. But how many have that privilege? May be only the socially active individuals would have a doctor in their phone list whom they can call or text seeking advice.

There arise umpteen health issues which needs advice. It could be a mental health issue, menstrual health issue, simple viral fever, gait issue, etc. But where does one go to seeking simple information, advice?

Internet, of course.

But internet suffers from the peculiar problem of plenty. There is so much information, misdirected that one will get lost more often than not.

There would be nothing like a person on the other side of the phone, listening with empathy, possessing adequate knowledge to address basic queries, direct, follow up.

In a country where healthcare is in a mess, plagued by severe shortage of doctors, tele medicine could serve as a panacea.

With increased mobile phone penetration, especially in rural India where gaps in healthcare is glaring, a toll free number which would help clarify simple questions about health, would be welcome.

One would think, what happens currently? For basic queries one who can't access or cave afford ends up with a quack or the nearest pharmacy, both places which are unlikely to give the right advice.

In such conditions to be able to talk to a health care professional would be beneficial and it has numerous positive fallouts.

The onus for developing such an enabling architecture should lay with the government for the positive externalities are plenty. The system could employ MBBS interns who would volunteer to retired doctors to other qualified healthcare professionals. CSR funds may also be channelized for the realization of such a scheme.

The challenges would be to find professionals who already are less in number, to provide solution givers in local languages, to ensure quality being maintained. The scheme can be piloted in few districts to iron out these issues before rolling it at the national level.

Health literacy is abysmal in India and issues like antibiotic resistance plague us. A tele medicine service can help in addressing many of these issues.

It is time such a scheme is given serious thought and experimented with.

Stench on our Skin

Image source: http://www.hindustantimes.com/photos/india/the-stinking-heaps-of-ghazipur-landfill-site/photo-EPOZjmghYwaqgrbKznFmSI.html

Men, often a few young boys,

Women, rare yet likely,

Huddled for a conversation

Like we do on a mound

Green grass covered

In the park.

But these men, boys, women

Are on a huge heap

Of stench emanating garbage.

Each morning, on trucks, lorries

Door to door

Apartment to apartment

Restaurant to restaurant

Picking up filth

Vomit-inducing rubbish

With bare hands

Without masks or gumboots

Displaying a normalcy

That isn’t.

Those big blue bins

With leftover food

Or used sanitary pads

With soiled diapers, or wet hair

Or when color codes we brazenly disregard

And throw that syringe, a razor

They touch these, it pierces them

But we play the ignoring game well

Pretending well

The non-existence of these humans.

Questions of caste

Of their subsistence

Unanswered yet known

Are relegated to the hind

Where cemented by conditioning

They pass along generations

And breed kids oblivious to

The strife of these men, boys and women.

The forms that resemble us

In cloak of flesh and bones

But on their skin is smeared

That invisible stench

Which no soap can wipe

And a part of the soul

Amidst it all is lost

And part of the mind

Numbed by cheap alcohol

Or that thinner

Caring no more to think

Rag-pickers, garbage collectors, koodawala

And all the hues in between

Part-dead, part-living

Cleaning our filth

Thought of, treated & thrashed as filth

These men, boys, women

Are on a huge heap

Of stench emanating garbage

Huddled for a conversation

Like we do on a mound

Green grass covered

In the park.

A Delicious Read

Informative and educative. Two words that describe Chef Saransh Goila’s wonderful book ‘India On My Platter’. Coming from a popular TV show this book generated quite some buzz and rightly so. The journey of 20,000 kilometers that Saransh Goila took discovering India’s food is a commendable exercise. That he brings both recipes and information about both food and the places he visits makes the book an enjoyable read.

The book begins with the author describing in brief the backdrop of this long food journey. After which it is more of a diary where day and place make the chapter heading. Beginning from northern India he has headed to the west then the south and via east, central India, east and north-east India and back to his source, his home in Delhi, on a Diwali night.

India provides for much diversity and as the author has rightly pointed out that a visible change in culture, language, food habits is seen ‘every 100 kilometers’. For me the book works because it provides for interesting details. It is not just a travelogue or a recipe book but the best of both. 

If one wishes to make a journey by road, one can use Saransh Goila’s book as a travel guide. Few information there comes in handy like how the likelihood of getting stuck in traffic on way to Leh is high and thus the ‘Maggi’ shop (wondering what the shop serves after Maggi ban; quite a few Maggi mentions in the book too) at the beginning provides succour. The routes and distances mentioned is minor but very necessary pieces of information. A bit more on pricing/cost would have further helped the readers.

Recipes are provided in couple of ways in the book. On one hand there is detailed recipe, as we are used to seeing and reading them, of what the Chef made in is journey and on the other hand few of them can be found in the descriptive part of the book, like the ‘aate ka halwa’ in a gurudwara. 

The interest of those who are keen on historical aspect of a place is also catered to in the book. However the veracity of a few appeared questionable an example of which is where he describes that a white thread is an uniform for cooks at Krishna Math in Udupi whereas fact is only Brahmins cook the food and the thread is not an attire but a part of them. One miss that I personally did not like was lack of food mention about my home state Odisha despite the author going to Bhubaneswar and mentioning about the dance Odissi.

History of food as described is very educative; like the fundamental difference between a Hyderabadi and Lucknowi biriyani or how elaborate a Kashmiri platter and mannerism is or how spices are kept to a minimum in north-east. For a true foodie, these are information to be cherished. 

Apart then these information the vignettes on shopping comes in handy. There can be observed a hint of spirituality, coming of age feeling in certain parts of the book and that helps connect. On a downside the editing could have been crisper; the narration style is not uniform. ‘Talk to the reader’ approach works for most part if not all. 

Overall, India On My Platter is a wonderful read, for the sheer variety that this lovely country offers and which Saransh Goila has captured beautifully. For the sheer arduous task that he has undertaken, which finds its place in record books now, he needs to be commended. Easy reading, doubling up as travel guide along with a recipe book, handy vignettes, makes the it a delightful and tasteful read.